Another week begins and it's the same struggle - your child is refusing to go to school. What is it this time - feigning sickness, stubborn refusal or tears and anguish? What is going on, this never use to happen? As you try to review how your once happy, confident child has suddenly become reserved and withdrawn, the possible thought comes to mind - bullying.
This anti-social behaviour is on the increase. As a private tutor, I have had many parents calling for advice on tuition and home schooling because they want to remove their child from the school environment, due to bullying. When I ask a question that relates to what the school has done, it's a combination of answers - expulsion, next to nothing or nothing at all. Whatever the answer, the parent has come away with no guarantee that their child is going to be safe.
Today, it's not only the traditional name calling and physical attacks that our children have to contend with, but with the increase of social media there is now the threat of Cyber-bullying. We have heard countless cases of children suffering from bullying in whatever form, so what can we do about it?
As a parent your main concern is your child. If the school cannot guarantee the safety of your child, then take some time to repair the damage that has been inflicted. How? Consider these 5 ways:
1. Take time out if possible - your child needs to feel safe again without the worry of having to face that situation day after day. This may mean taking some time off from work.
2. Re-build self-confidence and esteem - focus on your child's abilities, what they are good at; their achievements - happier times. You may have to start with where they are, allowing them to release all the negative feelings and then work to reverse them with their achievements etc.
3. Discuss - What is a Bully? Start of in general terms and list those so-called attributes, then relate it to their experience 'their bully'.
4. Having highlighted their bully's attributes, begin to 'unpick' them and try to understand why they behave the way they do. This may be based on personal information your child has come to know about the bully - their background etc.
5. Consider ways to deal with the bully. Create scenarios or re-visit an experience and discuss or plan how they would deal with it.
There are ways to "Beat a Bully without your Fists. Have a look at the JW.org website and type in the same title, to find a very useful video to help with this matter.
Bullies can destroy one's sense of self and self-worth, so helping children to see their true value in every aspect: their qualities, abilities, achievements, as a daughter, son, brother, sister etc, the value they bring to their family etc is very important. A true sense of themselves as well as understanding what makes a bully tick, will help them to safeguard themselves and strengthen their resolve against another attack.
One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked,
but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Michael J Fox (actor)
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